i dont know if i'm doing this right but my favorites are K-9 from Doctor Who, Rutger Hower's charicter in Blade Runner (I know, biological, but think about it), Robin Williams charicter in Bicentenial Man, the aliens from Batteries Not Included, the thermostelar bomb from Dark Star, the ginamous thing from startrek the motion picture, and do you remember Robot Wars?

I know I don't post much on here, and I know I only have about half a dozen friends on here. but only one of them has ever left a comment on any of my posts. makes me think I'm just taking up internet space that could better be used for storing porn or something.

my email will tell me if someone replies to anything of mine, so for now i'm not even going to bother coming here for a while.

Look you upon the darkest and brightest of voids and see there twin shadows, one of the other. in essence fleeting from the spaces of which they spring, inseperated by the vastness of diference to what breaches between them. both oblivious to the existance which seperated reality guards as limited reasoning. away is the so-called material realm of thought, floating through anti-atomic temporal mass. meeting out streams of chaotic waste to congeal forming a center from which may spring amorphic dimentions. fractating along undreamed numbers to writhe in catched polarity for a duration not otherwise made posible. whatch now as countless repetitions follow the first only to be once more infinitely solid than the previous. yet in all is nothing, for what truth can sense gleen from that which is destroyed utterly by its own decended reflection.

last week around this time a friend of mine whose the Master of another friend of mine, set up a date with me for taking pictures, as well as giving me some much needed bondage experience. over the course of the week he and I talked a little about minor details, what would be expected of me and what he had in mind for some of the more naughty pictures we were going to do. so friday came and went, the D&D group finaly made it through the dungeon with only the thief dying, and finding only about half the treasure after defeating the boss.

saturday I managed to finish shaving the rest of the excess body hair before they arived, and made coffee. we started out with most if not all of my more publicly acceptable costumes, a pirate, an exotic warrior, a biker boy... after taking a small break for coffee and smokes (not me of course, just coffee) we moved on to the more risque pictures, starting with a simple arm and leg shackle: O-o-o-O followed by a few pictures of that with gag and blind. then a more atractive setup in my opinion, with arms bound behind my back and thigh-to-ankle cuffs, then again with the gag and blindfold. third was a minor puppyplay arangement, since he didnt have anything for ponyplay, mitts, muzzle, tailplug, etc. finaly after taking a break for dinner, we did some playing with a humbler, some chains, nippleclamps, and a tray displaying my zeta toys, as though offering them up for use.

since it was essentialy my first time with THE REAL THING he was quite gentle with me, again, in my opinion. he brought along a pair of rabbitfur mittens for sensation play slash teasing, and some of his floggers which we didnt get to use. maybe next time. the gag was loose enough I could eject it if needed, and I could still speak though muzzled. I'm guessing under more detailed sceening that would not be the case, but what do I know. everything during that evening was most enjoyable, including the mild predicament bondage near the end. I'm sure if he wanted I would have been more vocal, but again, maybe next time.

I should also point out that before this and even now I spend perhaps too much time and effort in chatrooms and not enough learning to socialize better in real life, the high I got from that saturday night, lasted all through sunday, and I even slept exceptionaly well (a full twelve hours). today though, monday, I feel like shit. dragging my feet through work and almost forgetting to eat and making a fool of myself online. I can only guess this is a common response to an event like this. high, followed by low, followed by back to average.

well this year went smoother for me than last one, and substantially more groovy as well. one thing for sure though, when it was time to leave there was more I wanted to do. I will be going next year and from what I'm told we will be getting a room that sleeps 8 people, and I'm already making plans for next year's con too like making business cards and acquiring a few additions to my gypsy outfit because its just fabulous when i get told that its cool.I didn't get more than one opportunity to show off my scale armor piece but i did wear my light chain mail shirt a couple days and showed my sample pieces to several folks

as I say, I had a blissfully fun time even on the way there, wearing one of my "casual" outfits consisting of size 6 bell bottoms and platform shoes and a girls shirt with my leather jacket. and as soon as we got our baggage up to the room I for some reason stayed up for a total of 20 hours so I had plenty of time to register and hang out in the zoo and look for the ones I knew before going to the first night's dance dressed in my gypsy costume

this year is also when I made the decision to stick with Unicorn as my permanent, official fursona, as well as the name Stairway which I chose for equally esoteric, philosophical reasons. but I still carried around my badge from last year just to make sure the ones I met last year could recognize me.

the second day for me started with a trip to Fernando's for a sandwich where it was cool to discover that one of those I met last year was having his internet radio show hosted there. though I will say something amusing did happen later that same day on the sidewalk there. I was walking to McDonalds and passed by a small contingent of anti-abortion protesters and one of the signs they had was a bit curious, so I looked twice to make sure I was seeing things correctly. they had a picture of supposedly aborted fetuses and I swear it made me think of hot wings, like you get at a bar or something. maybe it was because I was hungry, I don't know, but certainly something to mention, no?

the other three days I sat with a friend who was playing a sitar in fursuit and mostly just hanging out, went to the dealer room to pick up a few comic books and danced, got my picture taken by that pro that was there and got pictures for myself of as many people as i knew

thank you for a wonderful time: Flanowa, Arcturus, Key, Silver(moon wolf), carrie, Captain Jack, Kyr, Squeeky, Ripner, Rianith, Channur, and anyone I missed

all our lives are part of a single chord stretching across all of reality, but some parts are stretched a bit too far, and some threads can break or become unraveled. seldome is it heard when this happens because the chord is too loud or moving too fast.
there are places in existence, dimensions of such profound imagination that dreams are merely a pale shadow in comparison. but everything seeks similarity and without accompaniment there is no change, no comparison, no life.
do we create pain in anticipation of the sweetness of death? something to look forward to while we drag ourselves through one karma after another of our own making, because we instinctively know we will be able to rest, believing it necessary to suffer ourselves in supposed solitude? where then do choices come from?
a fool remains a fool, and the song remains the same. until there is more than only one there can be no harmony, no melody. and everything is as nothing.

its been a while since i've paid any attention to this group but i am glad to be a member. i have been without a collar for several months now and i still have feelings regarding it and other things concerning this lifestyle.

for instance i have a friend that is collared to an old guard master, and i see the enjoyment he receives from it, but... it reminds me of my desires to serve a master (or mistress), and the short relationship i had this past spring.

i am not skilled at knowing my own emotions so i don't know if it is envy or regret. i am glad for his achievements but at the same time...
i know i will find one eventually and in the mean time i need to have a life, job, and all that stuff.

i have told my friend as much and he understands a little i think of what i am going through. i just don't want a relapse of subfever.

beneath the base dimension of space there is a number less than zero, preceding it in value. found by me a few years ago after reading part of 'The God Particle'. meditating on the idea of the subatomic particle commonly known as quarks. my mind being able to bend in strange ways i could clearly visualize the idea of something having the quality of shape without the quality of size. as i read previously that 'a shape is the limit of a solid' i came to the realization that these particles are non-linear particles of dimensional energy, and starting at the model of three dimensional space began striping away one axis at a time until i was left with the true mathematical point, no size, no shape, but still in existence. because i already knew that time was a field through which the universe moves, i put this to be that this fundamental particle was as well as its subsequent multiples, a particle of temporal energy. but i went further than this, knowing there is a relation between particle and field i realized this was zero point energy as it is often referred to in sci-fi, but i wasn't finished. i pulled aside this veil and looked at the philosophers ideal plane, true emptiness, without measure or influence, the magician's void, the abyssal pool which killed narcisus, subspace... illusive in its nature to be defined through thinking means, yet when accepted without ego it has a very peaceful appearance.

ragingfyre: like rar man ^.^
jaredmoreau: -nuzzles-
ragingfyre: *murrs and nuzzles back*
ragingfyre: friend of mine wants some ink done, i recogmended your mum to her
jaredmoreau: cool
ragingfyre: nice pic
jaredmoreau: thanks, had it taken yesterday
ragingfyre: really ?
jaredmoreau: could i ask for a reading? ive been seriously lost lately.
ragingfyre: ja, hold on
jaredmoreau: thanks
ragingfyre: ace of reels/coins
ragingfyre: material wealth and abundance, comfortable life, free of ailments
jaredmoreau: posibly
ragingfyre: 2 of reels
ragingfyre: ability to maintain equilibrium in times of stress
ragingfyre: balance,
jaredmoreau: not lately
ragingfyre: juggling to act in conjunction with the forces around you rather then in oppostion to them
ragingfyre: heh
ragingfyre: the moon
jaredmoreau: water cant chose where it flows
ragingfyre: true.
ragingfyre: draws dreams to the surface, primal forces of the subconscios. illusory images
jaredmoreau: strange
ragingfyre: hmm, the coins love you today
ragingfyre: 4 of reels
ragingfyre: stinginess or greed
jaredmoreau: 8-|
ragingfyre: insecurity and fear of want
jaredmoreau: thrift as im still trying to hold onto what money i can
ragingfyre: *nods*
jaredmoreau: yeah that sounds right
ragingfyre: ace of pistols
ragingfyre: swords

ragingfyre: source of power, clarity of judgement
jaredmoreau: :-/
ragingfyre: might be your location in the world
ragingfyre: king of pistols
ragingfyre: even thinking well rounded person
jaredmoreau: i dont remember meeting this deck personaly
ragingfyre: honorable, repsecable authority, wise moderator
jaredmoreau: ive been told i have a good heart
ragingfyre: i went for the dragon deck but the other one called
jaredmoreau: ok
jaredmoreau: :D
ragingfyre: you do have a good heart
jaredmoreau: -nods-
ragingfyre: this is the Tarot of the Dead, beautifully rendered in vivid colors
jaredmoreau: sounds nice
ragingfyre: it is
ragingfyre: huh..
ragingfyre: king of pens/wands
ragingfyre: self assuredness, energetic active and dominating personality, impatience with those less ambitious
jaredmoreau: :))
ragingfyre: *giggles* i think the 2 kings represent you and another
jaredmoreau: someone i should look upto?
ragingfyre: or someone who will dominate you
ragingfyre: 3 of pens
jaredmoreau: nice
ragingfyre: satiation, gestation, business savvy objective review of past and powerful memories, ability to work alone
jaredmoreau: ?
ragingfyre: fullfillment with a waiting period, blossoming into something useful that can be done alone or with another

ragingfyre: this one is a warning..8 of pens
ragingfyre: hyperactivity, rashness, swift promotion, overkill
ragingfyre: just be careful
jaredmoreau: i will try to not go too fast
ragingfyre: sweeeeet, 10 of coffins
ragingfyre: domestic happiness
ragingfyre: reliable business ventures and partners, good communication, secure childhood
jaredmoreau: /:)
ragingfyre: you're gonna find somebody, go slow an easy when you do, the result will be happiness
jaredmoreau: nods
jaredmoreau: i recently joined a gorean chatroom
ragingfyre: last call: the hierophant
ragingfyre: nice
jaredmoreau: maybe someone i meet at AC?
ragingfyre: presides over the established conventions of society, recognized public or private institutions,. Chivalry, conscience, social value system
ragingfyre: ya never no
ragingfyre: who ever it is though, they will be good for you
jaredmoreau: ouch, thats one of the reasons im looking for a master is structured society is sometimes too much for me
ragingfyre: and good to you
ragingfyre: when you find this person, i dun think the current society will be much of a bother any more
jaredmoreau: smiles i hope so
jaredmoreau: almost sounds too good to be true
ragingfyre: *smiles* find them, and take it easy, go slow becareful, let it bloom
ragingfyre: it'll be wonderful
jaredmoreau: -sniffles and nods-
ragingfyre: *offers a tissue?*
jaredmoreau: thanks
ragingfyre: no prob
jaredmoreau: -hugs-
jaredmoreau: hows the boys?
jaredmoreau: -refrains as best he can from looking into the future-
jaredmoreau: i had major dejavu a few days ago and the message was that my breakup with shalisk was meant to be
ragingfyre: *chuckles softly* go ahead and look, just don't expect it to be that way when it rolls around, the boys? meh.
jaredmoreau: it never is
ragingfyre: if it was meant to be then maybe you are bound to find the one
jaredmoreau: nods

i don't know if i should make this look like a personals advert or just brag about myself, either way i'm not that good at both. however it helps that this is at the request of another, so i can try and share who i am and what i'm doing here.

today i was accepted into the house of Master Wolfe in order to become trained in the Gorean tradition as a male slave, understanding the rules set by Master Wolfe i pray i will learn well in order to become a good slave and eventualy earn a collar IRL.

and now...about me.
having grown up in a somewhat sheltered life as the only child of a devorced mother was only made more complicated with having ADD, going through all my years of school in special ed classes, and being insuficiently prepaired for life in the real world. becoming a slave is one of my few attainable options. having never had art or music an all my school years has left me diminished as well as unable to truly appreciate the more sophisticated aspects of life.

i have never considered myself completely human, seeing within myself many differences seperating me from the normal folk as it were. sometimes comparing myself to exotic races or species and sometimes even other genders, opening my mind to realms and posibilities that few others could contemplate. yet these things have not done much to enable me in the physical world.

i am perhaps a little naive in my undertakings and that in itself is one of the reasons why i need a master rather than it being just a materialistic interest. if natural law in its most extreme were absolute, i would not have lived this long.